Südafrika

I don’t want to leave. I know that if I heard myself say that in July or early August I would have slapped myself...but I actually do not want to leave. When I left home I left everyone that I love behind me, I took a leap of faith on this experience that I had been wanting for years. Well, I got exactly what I asked for: the experience of a lifetime. Now I have around 5 weeks left here and I am in disbelief. Suddenly everything I do here seems so much more precious than I expected it to. The best thing about home is that it is always there, it will always be a harbour of love and familiarity...but this place is magical and I can’t come back to it (the place yet, but not the experience). I remember talking to a girl who was abroad last year and hearing her say she wished she had gone abroad for a year...I thought she was crazy. Now I can totally relate. It’s hard to describe the feeling of missing your family and friends at home so much, but also loving everything here so much. The fact that the weather is suddenly perfect isn’t making it any easier on me. All I want to do is lay on the beach every day :]
When I was little I went to Florida every winter, some years twice (once with my mom and once with my dad) and every year the last time I swam in the ocean I would promise it my return. I think about those goodbyes every time I see it...there is something so fulfilling about keeping a promise. It is so weird how you can fly to the other side of the world and feel elements of home...and that I consider Florida to be part of home. I suppose anywhere with family memories has been internalized as home. Anyway, I love it here. I love feeling like I am doing it...I am living my dream. I am experiencing a foreign country, people, and culture and I am adjusted! It is the most liberating feeling in the world. I wish I could take a picture of the mini bus station here (if I pulled my camera out, I would without a doubt be robbed haha). Any middle class American that can take that place on would feel proud of themselves guaranteed! When I turned 16 and received my own car I felt independent; I never imagined that I would be able to flag down a mini bus and sit amongst ten strangers with a disco ball on the ceiling and either hip hop or Italian opera blasting in the background and feel comfortable. I love that I am learning about South African foreign relations regarding refugees! This is why I came here, to learn about current events where they are taking place. I feel like I am developing an addiction to independence.
I know that I still have over a month left so it is a little early to evaluate my experience here...but :] I can see a change in myself. It has become so obvious that I am more open-minded now, I feel like I listen to people more than I ever did in the past. I don’t just hear someone’s stories, I feel them. I don’t judge like I used to, but instead I listen to people’s reasons for the decisions or opinions that they have and then I feel empathetic towards their point of view. I don’t question things as much as I used to either, I feel like I am more willing to dive into life. Of course, I still value my regard for responsibility and well thought out decisions, but I definitely value spontaneity more than I used to. Sometimes it is necessary to act on passion rather than sense. I knew that it was financially imprudent to come here, by my passion for this continent led me here anyway and I could not be more thankful. Coming here was a risk, but I took it and have received the greatest reward. I have friends from around the world, I appreciate foreign cultures and my own more than I ever have before, I am more aware of international affairs, and I have a thirst for life that is irrevocable.
I cannot wait to go home and share these new qualities that I have discovered within myself with my friends and family. I know that our relationships will be even more meaningful now that I have a more mature outlook on them. It isn’t that I was not mature previously, but now I truly value the power of support systems. My mom, my sister, my cousins, my friends from home and my delta gammas have been there for me when I was around the corner and when I was as far as I could possibly be. This is a gift. I think I see that more clearly now because I have been given the opportunity to experience something incredible that I know is temporary. I try to soak everything in here because it is always in the back of my mind that I only have it for a little bit. Well, I never really thought that way at home. Now I see that college, my life as a student, and my role in life is temporary. Everything changes, and yes a lot of those changes are for the better, but it is important to publically cherish the positive experiences that you currently have because each one of them will soon be a happy memory; a framed photograph. In a literal sense even...I included a photo of the happy scene I experienced this morning on my walk to class :]

p.s. I am dedicating myself to writing more interesting updates for the rest of my time here. I am going to Robben Island this weekend and will have lots to share on Monday. Sorry this entry was so reflective rather than adventurous haha.